I found it was only suiting to have my first article on
Wolfsbane be about a few of my firsts. So, without further ado:
The first time music ever "spoke" to me was the song ‘Santa Claus Is Comin in a Boogie Woogie Choo Choo Train’, by The Tractors. I loved how it made my mom, and I smile. So I used to make her sing it to me every night before I went to sleep. It’s always been astounding to me that people can create a noise, or a sequence of noises, that can give anyone who hears it anything at all, let alone happiness.
The first time I realized my father was not the honest person I thought he was, I was staying up late, with my battery powered flashlight radio, waiting to hear the song that he swore to me they’d play at midnight every night that week. It did not play a single time.
The first time I realized I wanted to sing was when I heard Eminem. I was always making myself the center of attention, trying desperately to always make people laugh. I wanted to be an actor, and when I saw Eminem's video for "The Real Slim Shady" I thought it was the coolest thing that he was acting like a maniac, and singing at the same time. I wanted that. I started my first "band" with my best friend on the street, Ian. We were called "Wolf Pack", and we would play pretend outside all day that we were rock stars.
It wasn't until my family suffered a great loss, that I realized for the first time the true, beautifully magnificent power of music... Understanding. When I was in fifth grade I learned firsthand what mental illness could do to a person. My cousin of 23 years lost her battle with bipolar disorder. That's a hard pill for an 11 year old to swallow, let alone anyone. I wanted answers. I wanted to know what destroyed one of the greatest people I had ever met in my life. I found it about three years later in "...Is A Real Boy" by Say Anything.
I woke up everyday before school at 6am, just so I could eat fruity pebbles, and watch music videos on MTV. That's how I stumbled into the video for "Alive With The Glory of Love". I became immediately obsessed. I limewire'd the entire album, burnt it to a cd, took it to my room, and listened to the record 100 times, over and over again. I wrote down every word to every song, and mimicked Max's voice the best I could. I brought that cd with me everywhere. Every car ride, every sleepover at a friend's, it was always there within arms reach. When I learned that Max Bemis is bipolar, I couldn't believe it. Suddenly these songs were my connection to someone I missed more than anything. Suddenly I understood her disease. I had no idea you could create something like that, and share a connection with someone in that way; someone that you've never even met.
The first time I ever said I love you, and meant it; I could hear a fucking G Major orchestral rise in my head. I was so nervous to be that vulnerable, and when she said it back it was like my mind was a symphony hall of sound… But like most all young love, we grew into different people, and that orchestra became a grungy punk rock band set out to reveal to the world just how awful love is.
The first time I ever had sex, there was no music playing. I was drunk, it was in my car, and it was mostly just because I didn't want to be a virgin anymore. Of course, whenever I went to leave, I found out my car battery had died. We had to run to her house to get jumper cables, and I felt like she was becoming interested in me, so on the way there I played a Fall Out Boy song, and tried my hardest to sing out of key. I thought it would dissuade her from liking me, but as it turns out the best route would have just been honesty.
The first time music saved me, I was 19. After a string of really bad nights, and a particularly bad hangover, I found myself thinking about a world without me. Instead of indulging further into the fantasy, I picked up a guitar, and started writing a song about getting back up on your feet after hitting rock bottom. That was the first song that I wrote that began connecting with people on a very hones level.
The first time someone told me that something I wrote saved them, I was completely floored(and still am). I stayed up for two days in a row, because my head couldn't stop whirling around the thought that I finally did the one thing I set out to do.Music has been hands down the most challenging,and rewarding thing I've ever been a part of. It has given me a wealth of joy in my life, and I plan to continue creating and enjoying all of my future firsts, until my very last breath.
Written By nick long